Month: August 2023

I’m convinced doctors exist solely to rob the hard-working American public

Touch this, feel that, $75 bucks…

I never thought I’d have to tell this story via the written word, but I’ve been left with no choice.

I referenced back in my apartment hunting blog earlier in the summer a few things that are relevant to this blog. 1) You can find a Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm reference anywhere and everywhere and 2) I had a story for another day involving me “going blind.” Well, today is that day.

The Crazy Eye Doctor

On 4th of July weekend, I headed into the eye doctor for my annual exam because I was out of contacts. All I needed to do was just re-up my prescription, take that prescription down the street to Costco, and get a couple two, tree boxes of contacts for way cheaper than they would be at the eye doctor.

One of the positives to being Irish is my blue eyes. While they are pretty, they are also very sensitive to light. Like legit, I have to wear sunglasses at the dentist still because looking up at that light is enough to make my eyes water.

The reason I was so adamant about getting new contacts the weekend of the 4th of July is because I planned on spending each moment of it drinking beer (my other Irish blessing) outside in the sun, to which I’d need sunglasses to do. I don’t have prescription sunglasses (or pool goggles), so I needed to get contacts to wear my sunglasses…following so far?

Good. Because this is where it starts to become a nightmare.

I see the doctor as soon as I’m able, which had me seeing not my typical eye doctor because I was a walk-in on 4th of July weekend. The atypical eye doctor puts me through the typical tests (I absolutely hate the puff of air one) and then sits me in the chair.

We get all the way to the final step to where I’m looking at the letters on the wall. I pass with flying colors, my prescription hasn’t changed at all and I should be good to go. But instead, the atypical eye doctor says “Oh Sweet Jesus, let me be wrong…“

I was like “Uh, wrong about what?“

You can’t just say “Sweet Jesus” for no reason. Sweet Jesus rarely comes with good tidings, at least the phrase “Sweet Jesus.”

She says “You have white blood cells in your eyes, it’s either from an infection from before or it’s a precursor to something bad.“

To which I replied “Okay….I slept in my contacts last weekend and had a stye earlier this year…could that be it?” And she said it couldn’t be.

So I ask, “What’s the something bad then?” She said “well, best case scenario: it’s nothing. Worst case scenario: it could be cancer.“

If it’s that easy to become a doctor, I should’ve fucking become a doctor. “Best Case Scenario: it’s nothing. Worst Case Scenario: It could be cancer….” I mean really? You could say that about any ailment! That’s such a wide range of possibilities, are you out of your mind lady? This is where she changed from being the atypical eye doctor to the crazy eye doctor lady.

I calmly ask, “So no contacts?” She says, “No! Not until you see a specialist, TODAY.”

She proceeds to hold my prescription hostage until I see a specialist. So I book an appointment with the specialist after being charged for my eye exam that day. So I paid for the contacts and the prescription that I wouldn’t even be receiving.

The crazy eye doctor lady then prescribed me with eye drops that I needed to take every hour until I saw the specialist, which now had to be the next morning because I couldn’t get in that afternoon.

She called me that night to make sure I was taking the drops. She then proceeds to say a prayer with me on the phone.

Now, I’m not as religious as I used to be and I’m all fine with saying a prayer, but a doctor saying a prayer over the phone is not the treatment or vibe I should be getting.

I feel like they save the prayer for somebody who’s about to pass away, not for somebody that has a few white blood cells in his eyes. That’s what the whole Anointing of the Sick is about, isn’t it?

See, I still remember some of my Catholic grade school education…

Just wait, I’m not even to the part that pissed me off so much to write this, but consider me freaked out at this point.

The Specialist

I had a 9:00 AM appointment the next morning with the specialist to find out if it was nothing or cancer.

The specialist was about an hour away, but early is on time. So I woke up early, ate a good breakfast, and left early to arrive at the doctor’s office at 8:45 AM. I knew this would require extra waiting time, but what’s 15-20 minutes?

I sat in the waiting room for an hour. What’s the point of an appointment if you wait that long? The appointment is sacred!

There’s nothing worse than the doctor’s waiting room either. Ellen always seems to be on the TV, there’s a sad bucket of toys from the Civil War era in the corner, the reading material is dry, including the constant refreshing of Twitter.

It’s 9AM on a Saturday the weekend of 4th of July so my friends aren’t even awake to make wisecrack comments to over text while I wait either.

So, I’m sitting there fuming. Because to this point, I knew there was nothing wrong with my eyes. I knew this was going to be a waste of time. I had skipped taking those eye drops that the crazy eye doctor lady made me pay $11 for because I knew she was full of shit.

Next thing I know, my name is being called. My anger sort of melted away back into nerves because of the prayer. Why would she say a prayer over the phone if nothing was wrong?

I sit in the specialist’s chair. The nurse or technician or whatever, the human embodiment of the trailers before the movie, took my info and added it into the system.

Then the specialist came in within seconds. He asked me what was up. I told him about the white blood cells, he examines my eye, and says “Oh, that’s nothing, you’re fine.“

I say, “Are you serious? Just like that?” And he says, “Just like that.“

And I say, “No more drops? I can wear contacts?” He sort of laughs and says, “Yes to both. And while I appreciate the concern of your doctor, you didn’t need these drops. You’re fine.“

I shit you not, I was in the exam room for like 3 minutes after waiting an hour.

I was so fucking happy. But then, I was furious all over again because I had wasted two days of my 4th of July weekend at the fucking eye doctor with a baseless cancer scare right in the middle of it.

The Bill

So it’s been nearly two months since this fiasco. The crazy eye doctor lady stopped holding my prescription hostage and I was back to wearing contacts that day. Although, reluctantly, mind you. She made me get a signed note from the specialist for proof, like I wanted to waste my Saturday morning an hour away from home only to say that nothing was wrong to her.

I’ve been wearing contacts for two months, my eyes are fine.

But I get a call from the specialist’s office today saying that I have an outstanding bill of $100. My insurance got it down to a $100 co-pay for a 3 minute check up with the specialist. He literally did nothing and is charging me $100.

This is where it all comes together. Why did that whole fiasco cost ME money?? What, am I seeing Sinatra in there?

I should charge the crazy eye doctor lady $1000 for the prayer and scare tactic and I should charge the specialist $100 for not keeping the appointment time and having me wait an hour only to be seen and sent off within 3 minutes.

Everything about the medical world in the United States is a gigantic scam. At least it is for me. I’m allergic to all the good antibiotics, doctors waste my time with cancer scares, and then they come out of the woodwork like loan sharks months later to collect what they think they’re “owed.”

I’m in this whole eye thing now for over $300 between the appointments and the prescriptions. Not to mention I ran up my new insurance from my new job for literally nothing.

I’m still very much for this robbery field if it benefits me. I would love to meet a nice woman that happens to be a doctor and overcharges for simple things. I would do anything and everything about domestic lifestyle that sucks, all so she never has to lift a finger other than to write a prescription for someone that doesn’t really need it. All of which would come without a single complaint knowing that I now benefit from the system that once robbed me.

A lot of this is written in jest. Of course, I’m grateful that I’m ok and I’m grateful that it isn’t more than $100. And I would be grateful with any woman crazy enough to marry me, she doesn’t have to be a doctor.

But I also know that if this happened in a decent amount of other countries, I wouldn’t have spent a dime.

I’m praying that my checking account can withstand another case of nothing.

~DS

The Beefy Crunch Burrito has returned to us once again

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

This is my 100th blog on WordPress.

While I could go down a rabbit hole of what it’s been like to run this blog for 7 years and have 100 posts, I’d rather write briefly about a victory for the Beefy Crunch Movement.

Once again and for the first time since 2018, the Beefy Crunch Burrito from Taco Bell is back. Originally introduced in 2010, the Beefy Crunch Burrito is a beef burrito with nacho cheese, sour cream, rice, and the illustrious Flamin’ Hot Fritos. Those Fritos were only available through Taco Bell for this burrito at the time, so they were a rarity.

But the best part? It was .99 cents! You couldn’t find a better deal in fast food anywhere!

This burrito was also the very first thing I had ever had from Taco Bell.

Flashback to Summer 2011: I had just graduated 8th grade and was headed into high school in the fall. I played football in high school, so part of the fun in that was getting to meet a bunch of people before school started officially in the fall. I wish I still had the same metabolism I did then, but I digress.

I got a ride home from one of my teammates and he asked his mom to pull into Taco Bell for lunch after a summer practice. I had never had Taco Bell so I didn’t know what to order or what was good. The pressure was on.

I saw the Beefy Crunch Burrito with Flamin’ Hot Fritos for .99 cents and went with it because it looked awesome and if I didn’t like it, what was .99 cents to my buddy’s mom?

Clearly, it had an effect on me because I’m writing a blog about it 12 years later.

The burrito was unfortunately discontinued in 2011, but a movement was sparked. Not just for me personally, but with tens of thousands nationwide that felt the same way.

I’ve been a loyal member of the Beefy Crunch Movement for a long time. Countless DMs, emails, letters, and posts were sent to Taco Bell. Flags, shirts, stickers, and even tattoos were made to get this burrito back on the menu.

In 2016, we achieved our first victory. While the burrito wasn’t being named a permanent menu item, we had gotten Taco Bell to bend the knee to us. We were even personally thanked by Taco Bell at the time:

While those burritos may have been why I gained the Freshman 15 in college, they were not to be forgotten. The burrito disappeared after a month-long run in the Spring of 2016. I kid you not, the run ended the week Harambe was killed.

Since then, the planet has been on a downward spiral socially, politically, and environmentally. So maybe, we should actually look into the scientific ties between this burrito’s availability and the overall health of the planet.

In 2018, it returned as a summer menu exclusive, with the potential of returning permanently in 2019:

Unfortunately, the item didn’t become a permanent menu item and they brought back the shitty Mexican Pizza instead.

Long we’ve waited once again. It’s been 5 years and while the item never became a permanent menu item and Flamin’ Hot Fritos have become available to the public, the sun would not shine brightly until the official burrito emerged from Taco Bell’s vault.

Having the Volcano items back the last couple of months was a nice throwback to 2013, but not the same as the BCB.

That agony lasted until this morning. 8/1/23: The Beefy Crunch Burrito is back. It’s an app exclusive for 2 days before it goes public on 8/3.

The sun shines brightly once again…for now. So, if you’ll excuse me, I will be inhaling a couple two, tree Beefy Crunch Burritos tonight.

Enjoy them while you can.

~DS

P.S. Thanks for reading my 100th blog and any of them that came before it!