Why isn’t anyone talking about these god damned aliens?

Well, I’ll tell you why

Over the weekend, this huge burst of light was seen over Los Angeles and only a small amount of people were talking about it.

First stage separation can be seen at right during the Space X Falcon 9 rocket launch from Vandenberg Air Force Base

Images like these were taken and posted on Sunday night to Twitter. I feel like nobody’s talking about it at all.

The real reason nobody’s talking about it was probably because it was debunked by the LA Times to be Elon Musk and that god damned SpaceX program once again. This picture was in fact, a SpaceX flight and isn’t aliens.

But humble me for just a second. If this was aliens, they totally came to watch sports this weekend and tonight. Here’s why:

The Cleveland Browns won again on Sunday. This is just absolutely bananas. What could’ve happened was that these god damned aliens had money on the Ravens and then skedaddled because they couldn’t pay their bookie.

The Browns winning is throwing off order on Earth and in space.

The Conor McGregor and Khabib Nurmagomedov fight was on Saturday night. The aliens may have come down to watch an awesome UFC 229 card and then scooted the eff-outta-here when Khabib jumped into the crowd after the fight.

I was rooting for McGregor, but you’ve got to give Khabib credit for submitting McGregor. The guy was 26-0 going into Saturday and he walked out 27-0, but with consequences. It somewhat tarnished a great fight night and could’ve scared people away from the UFC.

It’s a great sport and 229 was a huge fight for bringing in a massive audience to further the popularity of the sport. However, the post-fight garbage could affect the outreach of the sport to not only humans but to aliens. Maybe that’s why the aliens left on Sunday. Damnit Khabib.

These aliens might have also come down to watch a solid baseball playoff game and received an absolutely pitiful display of pitching on Saturday night by David Price. The Boston Red Sox lost 6-2 to the Yankees on Saturday night. Mostly because Price got absolutely shelled by Aaron Judge and Gary Sanchez which led to Price getting yanked after 1.2 innings.

It sucks because the ALDS is even at 1 game apiece with the series headed to the frickin’ Bronx. It also sucks because instead of starting Rick Porcello in Game 3, the Sox are going with Nathan Eovaldi.

It may not suck because of this. Eovaldi has 0 earned runs against the Yankees this season and only 1 unearned run. But, it’s still the playoffs and it’s still scary.

I hope the aliens come back to watch Eovaldi. If not, Price may have pissed them off so much, they may come back to destroy us all. If that’s the case, I’ve got two things to worry about tonight: the Sox going down 2-1 and the vaporization of the human race.

On a real note, I’m just so nervous. Playoff baseball just fucking sucks sometimes. There are times, even on a World Series run, where you just feel like you’re going to vomit and die.

There’ve only been two games in this ALDS. TWO. I’ve lost some hair, sleep and years to my total life already. I’ve seen three Red Sox World Series wins in my time on earth though.

It’s kinda crazy that so much stress goes into this for me. As a Red Sox fan, I didn’t grow up with an 86-year-old curse. I’ve only known winning.

It’s not my fault for only being 21. I’ve just gotten lucky. But I shouldn’t be accosted for caring so much and wanting to watch this team continue to win.

Wish Eovaldi and the Sox luck tonight and wish me luck so that I don’t have a heart attack watching it.

If the aliens come back, I hope they can enjoy a Sox win tonight. And if not, start Earth’s destruction with the god damned Bronx.

Also, if you read this thoroughly, I was kidding about the god damned aliens. That’s the point. I don’t actually think aliens came down to earth this weekend.

I just needed a supernatural excuse for the crazy things that happened in sports over the weekend. Thanks.


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