I believe this is the first time I’ve ever written a sequel.
People are always quick to judge sequels. Can they truly be better than the original? How have our characters grown or changed since last time? Can the villain outpace the original frightening appearance?
For those wondering, this is a sequel blog to this blog about a routine vision prescription update appointment and how it turned into an absolute nightmare that ended up costing me time, money, and sanity.
To give a brief overview of the situation: I was told that I had either nothing or cancer by an eye doctor. She held my prescription hostage until I got eyedrops and saw a specialist. I sat in the specialist’s waiting room for an hour only to be let go within 3 minutes of seeing the specialist who told me I was fine. I was then billed for my 3 minute visit and that infuriated me.
Caught up? Great. Let’s get into my trip back to the eye doctor from the other day…
It’s been two years since my nightmare trip to that eye doctor. Since then, I’ve had no issues with my eyes and the contacts that I switched to following that endeavor are monthly wears that have truly helped my eye health tremendously over daily/bi-weekly contacts.
In the year since, I changed the location of my eye appointments so I never had to go through that endeavor again. My 2024 appointment went on without a hitch at this new location which made me believe my 2025 one would be just as smooth.
So when I entered this location the other day, checked in, braved the puff of air in my eyes, and began to browse the wall of glasses, I wasn’t expecting any surprises at all.
Just then, a familiar presence rounded the corner and called my name…
Instantly, Boss Music started playing in my head and I felt like I was in the midst of a video game’s final level:
It was her. Of course it was. I go to a chain vision doctor, of course they rotate her around. My life was just a little too happy lately, so something had to knock me down a peg.
She asks how I’ve been.
I say “Great!”
She says “No issues? No flashes of white? Anything?”
I say “Nope, absolutely nothing.”
She says “That’s beautiful, thank you Jesus!”
The last time this woman was saying prayers for me, I was quite scared, so I, too, thanked Jesus for no issues for her to look even further into.
She pulls up the alphabet chart, she checks both of my eyes, comments on my beautiful Irish blues, and then, she sends me home with my prescription and a pair of contacts for free.
Truly, that simple. As simple as any other eye doctor visit ever has been. No ladies frames, just a prescription and a smile.
But, if only that is where our story ended….
As things go, I couldn’t go the week without some sort of health ailment.
The Crazy Eye Doctor Lady had to be an omen for something, but what could it be? I went to sleep that night thinking about how much had happened in life since that encounter.
Plenty of blogs here on this site. A couple of moves. Plenty of work. Plenty of beer. Plenty of laughs. A couple of tears. But hey, my eyes and I made it out alive on the other side, so what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up with a pain in my jaw.
It felt like I had gotten punched in the face and the pain stretched from my lower left jaw to my sinuses. I was curious if it was an allergy related ailment, but no. I was surprisingly breathing well through my nose.
I felt like this, but with a wicked headache:
I went to the mirror and looked inside my mouth. My impacted wisdom tooth on the bottom left side of my mouth was quite visible and my gums were bleeding. My breath tasted horrid and I had this metallic feeling in my mouth.
I’ve ignored the idea of getting my wisdom teeth removed for several years. It’s a risk I was willing to take because some people can live with them if they’re aligned correctly.
Well, mine aren’t aligned correctly. They’re clearly fucked up. And despite the strange joy I had felt after leaving the Crazy Eye Doctor Lady with no extracurriculars, something had to be afoot. It was this. It was time to get my wisdom teeth out.
I went to a dentist who took X-Rays. That dentist then referred me to an extraction specialist. Mind you, these two doctors are in separate offices a couple of miles away from each other.
And yes, I called them doctors. I’m no anti-dentite.
I was in the first dentist’s office for maybe 15 minutes because it was clear that I needed to get my wisdom teeth out. The extraction specialist, however, couldn’t see me until several days later at a different office.
Fine. I’ve gone a while with these impacted wisdom teeth. Religious ibuprofen will do the trick.
That brings us to my visit with the extraction specialist. I will mention that walking 20 minutes from the nearest train stop to this different office during midsummer in Chicago made me sweat like a whore in church, but that was the least of mine or the extraction specialist’s worries.
This doctor couldn’t have been a nicer guy. But, I did sit in the dentist chair watching a stock video loop of a very clear Finding Nemo ripoff fish tank for a half hour before being seen. I looked into the fake tank, thought about how much I was sweating, and zoned out:
Once the doc came in, he explained to me the process of the surgery. He also explained to me that based on how my lower teeth are growing in, there’s a higher than zero percent chance that my jaw could be permanently numb following the surgery since my wisdom teeth are very close to certain nerves that control feel in my face.
He said it’s a “BIG if,” but, it’s still an “if.” Where’s the Crazy Eye Doctor Lady and her prayers when you need her?
Knowing that it’s the two bottom ones that are causing the most issues, these are the ones that certainly need to come out. My top two grew in straight but the doc said that they might eventually cause issues so I might as well knock out all four in one go.
The doc didn’t charge me for the consultation, which is fantastic. Compared to the last time I had to see a specialist, this was phenomenal news.
But then the estimations for the surgery itself came in. This surgery would need to be conducted at a third location and if I were to get all four teeth removed, it was going to cost me nearly $1700 after insurance. If you were unaware, each tooth costs several hundred dollars to remove.
I nearly vomited. I feel like it would’ve been better and more cost effective had my teeth been knocked out in a vicious piñata accident:
I said to the guy who ran my insurance, “That’s a lot. If I were to get just my bottom two teeth done, which are the real trouble makers, would it be less?”
He says, “Well, the doctor will probably recommend all four be removed at once.”
I said, “I know he will and I expect him to, he’s a doctor. However, my wallet recommends that I can live with the top two for now if it saves me a few bucks.”
He kindly reran it through with just the bottom teeth being considered. This was only going to cost me $800. Much better. Not great, but much better than before.
He says “Ok, so here it is with just the two teeth. I’d still like to confirm with the doctor if he recommends getting all four out or not and then I will follow up with you tomorrow or after the weekend.”
I couldn’t help but say, “I want to lean toward just doing the two. They are my teeth, it’s my choice, right? I know what he’ll recommend but I just paid rent yesterday. I’ve got bachelor parties, and weddings, and kids birthday parties coming up – it never ends! If I can just get the two out and survive on the other end, that would be what I want to do.”
This guy looked at me like I was nuts. I couldn’t believe it. Surely I couldn’t have been the only one that’s ever tried to save $800 at the dentist.
I wasn’t just speaking for me, I was speaking for society:
Anyway, that’s where the story ends for now. I might have to continue my fight against paying ridiculous amounts of money for medical consultations and procedures. But in the end, I will have at least two wisdom teeth out.
Let’s just hope it’s not Tim Whatley doing the procedure:
The sequel to the Crazy Eye Doctor Lady almost turned out to be disappointing. Just like Spider-Man 3 or any of the 20 JAWS sequels.
But just like the greatest sequels of our time, a twist is what carries us through a saga. The hero must lose. A new villain must emerge. Empire Strikes Back. The Dark Knight. Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties.
In the end for the Crazy Eye Doctor Lady, she was just the beginning. The real enemy was waiting in the wings, evolving into a new form to try and strike me down.
The evil entity was only acting through the Crazy Eye Doctor Lady and her Specialist. It continued to act through the Tooth Extraction Specialist and his crony at the front desk.
The true enemy has yet to be defeated: The American Medical System Strikes Again.
Insurance is a beautiful thing, but it can’t defeat evil alone. We’ll see what’s in store for me down the line.
Because whether my ailment is nothing, cancer, or a couple of painfully impacted wisdom teeth, the only one who truly suffers is once again: my bank account.
~DS
The Danny Diaries 