The law finally got me: I got a parking ticket

The jig is up, the news is out, they’ve finally found me

Welp, after being a licensed driver for 10 years, the law finally caught up to me.

I woke up this morning after a night out with friends and we had a great time. A couple two, tree beers were had so, me and my buddy took a morning stroll over to the greatest Bagel Authority in the city of Chicago: The Chicago Bagel Authority, for a hangover cure.

A Sausage Fest Bagel with Cream Cheese, the best thing you can have after a night out

The bagel was amazing. There was nothing that could’ve brought my morning down until I discovered a parking violation stuck to my window for $75.

I assumed the risk of the parking ticket when I parked there the night before so I’m not that mad at getting the ticket. But $75 is a little stiff.

The closest parking garage was going to run me $50 and the nearest SpotHero spot that was less than $50 was like over a mile away, so that wasn’t happening either.

Normally, my buddy gives me a guest parking pass to be able to park on his street. However, the village hadn’t sent him new ones for the summer yet so I decided to wing it. Plus, I still had four of his guest passes still stuck to my front windshield so I thought maybe a quick glance by any authority figure would keep me safe.

I was obviously wrong because I’m writing this blog.

I would’ve spent the $75 on beer, food, video games, or bills eventually so I’m not mad about that. What I’m more mad about is that the sticky shit remained stuck on my window after I took the ticket off of it.

This is more irritating than the ticket itself.

That’s a crock of shit if you ask me. I’m not even kidding about that, I’m truly more upset about this than I am about the ticket. Because now not only do I have to pay the ticket, but I also need to grab some WD-40 and a rag to scrape that shit off the window without damaging it.

But there it is folks: my spotless driving record lasted a decade. 2013-2023, you will be missed.

To be honest I’m happy with myself because a decade is like a Lou Gehrig run of spotless driving. A couple of close calls here and there but they finally got me for a parking violation.

Gehrig’s record for most consecutive games played was eventually overtaken by Cal Ripken Jr., but the record stood for over 60 years, thus, I reference him.

I unfortunately can’t claim to be the luckiest man on the face of the earth like Gehrig did, but I know damn well I’ll just pay for the $50 parking garage next time. Hopefully in 2033, I won’t be writing a sequel to this blog ending this new streak of mine.

Also, I hope this doesn’t start a stretch of other violations. I’ll keep you posted because I honestly think I ran a red light today too. So I either continue a fresh streak for a decade or I spiral toward Grand Theft Auto. You’ll find out either way!

I’m going to spend the rest of my Sunday playing Star Wars Jedi: Survivor and not behind the wheel of my car. It’s the only way you and I remain safe.


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